Child-like

Matthew 18:3

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

It seems lately that I have found such amazement in God's working both in and around me. It is a miracle to be able to recognize it and another miracle entirely to have faith that He's still at work even when I haven't picked up on it yet.

Now I must admit for I feel rather silly since these moments of awe aren't the seeing Him hold back the Red Sea or watching water flow out of a rock, but incredibly child-like.

"Wow God, You can really do that?" is a typical question of mine followed by His loving response of "Yes, my son, don't worry."

Like I said, totally three-year-old-ish.

Sometimes the wording of my question shifts when I look back on events and finally see His work to more of a "Oh, hey, You were right there in the middle of it the entire time, weren't You?

Once more, followed with a heartfelt reassurance from Him.

I confess, sometimes I feel dumb for even thinking of asking Him such questions. I get critical of myself for not having that seemingly minimal mental capacity of knowing He is always at work in my life, but seemingly is such a big snag there. Then right at that time is when I usually get His answer which just fills me with awe and warmth. It truly is just a wondrous thing to rest in amazement of Him.

I remember back to one evening where I was driving and coming across the top of this hill I saw the most amazing sunset. The horizon was filled with bold reds and oranges and deep purples and blues. The clouds formed a magnificent silhouette and the little child rose up in me asking "You created all that?" After receiving His overwhelming peace and joy, I slowed my speed dramatically just to soak up the scene and the amazement that came with it.

So I encourage everyone to go out and ask Him silly questions that a three-year-old might come up with; ones such as "You can do that?" or "You actually do love me?" Then rest in His love and grace that is His answer.

Matthew 11:25-26

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure."

Leaving On A Jet Plane

So at the moment it's 5:45... In the a.m. And I'm sitting the the terminal at Mid-Continent Airport in Wichita waiting for my flight to Boston to board and get on its way. What makes this so different from all the other incredibly early flights I've made in the past is I'm alone. Just me, no mommy or daddy there to hold my hand.

In a lot of ways this is terribly frightening and amazingly exhilarating at the same time. I am leaving the house of my father just as Abraham left his when God called him to. There is this part of me, instinct or something I suppose, that just tells me it's alright. It's normal that I'm sitting in the airport all by myself about to travel halfway across the country. And this instinct brings an incredible amount of peace with it somehow.

The lady at the counter just told everyone we're boarding now so I guess that's my cue to take a few more steps by myself this morning and really a few more on the journey of life.

How's It Going?

There are random times throughout everyday life where you'll be walking past someone, or standing next to them, or even sit down beside them. Whatever the circumstance, to break that first awkward silence they ask, "How's it going?" or "How are you doing?" If you happen to be like a majority of society, you answer back with a simple "fine" or "good." If you're feeling wild you might throw out at "not too bad." No matter the answer, you just want this guy off your back so you can get back to just being content in your own little world.

Then there are other times with the scenario being exactly the same save there is actually something wrong with the person being asked. But instead of taking the time to get that huge burden off their back they shy away and give a completely empty answer of "just fine."

My question is have we become so wrapped up in ourselves that we ignore our fellow man? Have we gotten terribly caught up in the American dream of prospering our own lives while leaving everyone else behind that we simply turn of an intuition screaming that something wrong here is going on?

And to those struggling but simply choose to hide it, what are we afraid of? Is the fear of being weak an exposed driving us to hide deeper within our shells overruling the glory of being free and liberated?

With all this I can honestly say that I have absolutely no answer. It just is an enigma to my mind and my own experiences have driven me to pen all this down. I was almost stopped in my tracks there in the hallway simply by all the thoughts that rushed to my head. I wish I were capable of solving this issue but I come up short...

Whirlwind

10/9/08
It's kind of windy outside, blowing just enough wind to make you want to grab a jacket right before you go out. But it's nothing compared to what's going through my mind right now.

With that said, let me unload all that's going on. First off, I met a pretty awesome girl this past Sunday at house church. Her name's Laura and the kicker is she's a Kansas girl that somehow made it up to the big city. She's truly this cute all-American girl. We've spent this whole week so far just talking and hanging out, went down the the aquarium and we're going out for dinner on Friday. I've feel like there's just been this sorta goofy smile on my face all week. Hopefully this is the start of something beautiful.

"This is the start..." That's exactly what I'm wondering. It's like I know that God is in this situation but what exactly is He up to? This summer was a time of turning my relationships and girl situations over to Him. It was pretty cool and at one point it was like He just flat out told me what my wife will be like. She's gonna be musically talented somehow and have a super sweet personality with this ability to minister to issues that people hide below the surface. I'm maybe a little afraid to acknowledge it but Laura fits that, which now that I'm really confronting this whole thing is flat out awesome.

There is still a little fear though. Let's say things between her and I keep going great like they are now. Let's say we get serious about things and we're in a relationship. What's gonna happen with those deep conversations about our pasts? I mean I'm so far from perfect and perhaps contrary to appearance, there's stuff in my past that I don't want to bring up. Or how about conversations about the future? I got no plan of where I'm going to end up in life. And what about the topic of past relationships? I've had a bad experience with girls' past boyfriends. As obvious as it is, I really need to pray about this.

Even with all those questions and maybe "doubts" you could say, every single one of them disappears when I'm talking with her or playing cards. I really think this is a glorious start of something beautiful and I'm just going to take it one day at a time enjoying every minute of it.

Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."

Learning As We Go...

Life does not come with a user's manual or an instruction handbook.

In all my searching for one, my quest simply seems to leave me more confused and bewildered than when I first tried to figure out one little aspect of life. However, I think I am finally on to something. This so-called "manual" does exist; the problem is that it needs an author. Each individual I believe is charged with the call to write their own handbook however they see fit. Certain influences such as parents, environment, and other conditions will help to shape that handbook with unique flavors.

With all that said, I think I have gotten a fair start on my own personal "how-to" booklet. I've been raised in a small town with those small town principles about right and wrong, but yet I am human and surrounded by other humans who make the same mistakes I do. I've gotten out and seen things that some do not have the opportunity to see. I've done somethings on the darker side of life, but it is only by the grace of God that He sought me and hunted me down to come into a relationship with Him. I can honestly say, to whoever may read this, that I would not trade my relationship with Christ for anything in the world. I also have come to discover that in life there are a ton of things to do, think about, and just be overwhelmed by. When it comes down to it, I believe the best approach to life and all it encompasses is just to take it one step at a time, and to learn as you go.


I wish you all the best of luck in the progress of your manual or guide or whatever title you see fit to it. It is yours so who am I to say what you ought to call it. I think I will just keep doing what I am doing and figure it all out as I go.